and a partridge in a pear tree

   Off to Produce junction this afternoon, yes with Minnie in tow, a great spot behind the store for her that runs along a wide creek, shrubs, trees and wild flowers. Took a good amount of lilac flowers the other day making a nice natural bouquet. I love weed arrangements.

   I usually have a list of a few things I need and then browse the aisles for great buys or ideas waiting to be made. Today broccoli rabe was on sale and so for the first time I’ll be making that, looking forward since I love trying new things and expanding on the old.

    So the list goes 1 broccoli rabe, 2 pounds rome tomatoes, 2 lbs multi colored bell peppers, 1 bunch celery, 3 pounds rome apples, 6 red grapefruit, 5 pounds yellow onions, 3 large italian parsley and a partridge in a pear tree. This was a small take and I still need one or two items but a good base for the week. It will all be gone soon.

   I ate salads for a long time, hard to keep up with them, left overs are not a huge hit. So one day I found a recipe for a roasted fennel and artichoke heart bake by Martha Stewart. It was soooooo good. That’s how it all started with my gigantic veggie casseroles, thinking that layers of roasted vegetables could never be bad. I was right. Some are just good and others are worthy of writing down the combinations and I’ve found of late, it’s all in the roast, at least 400* and an hour to 1 1/2 does the trick. The onions get caramelized and the flavor compliments and overlaps are delectable. I use seasoning, spices and herbs fresh from the garden and even use the shrunk wrapped ready to be trashed veggies from Giant sold at a reduced price. Depending on what I get decides the direction of the casserole but none are bad, here today and gone tomorrow.

   Right now I have a night shade with eggplant, tomatoes, peppers, onions, zucchini and parsley with fresh oregano, lemon juice and some sea salt. Delicious. The one I just made even more delicious is a kale, green apple, broccoli, cauliflower, onion and edamame with coriander, celery seed, lemon juice and sea salt. Wicked good. 

   
   Here’s what Martha did and like everybody who cooks I’ve used it with all kinds of change ups, always great, how can you go wrong with fennel and artichokes?? I have another for a swiss chard, curry top of the stove I’ll post, same deal, super as written and super with your own touch. I wonder if I could make ice cream better for me if I roasted it with the vegetables, talk about rocky road.


http://www.marthastewart.com/874406/roasted-fennel-and-artichoke-hearts

without a trace

   You truly never know what may be around the next corner, frightening as it is. Wednesday afternoon I took Minnie in the Jeep heading for a park we found a week or more ago after dropping off my computer with my Mac guy in North Wales. Right across from Summit Street Elementary school is a beautiful small landscaped park with a walking path and I kept it in mind for an outing one day, Wednesday was it. I took my camera and it had been raining, still a bit drizzly so I put Minnie in her BRIGHT orange rain coat and parked the Jeep on Second Street. I carried her to the pathway and set her down. It’s our everyday routine and so I began wandering and she began sniffing amongst the wonderful light green of spring. I made my way around a little bend and she didn’t follow so I turned back and there she was still on and off the path into the wet grass. Round the bend again and for the second time no Minnie. So I doubled back this time to find empty space, no dog, so I hollered out her name and whistled a few times thinking she’d dart out from behind some huge blossoming bushes......but she didn’t.

    Feeling concerned I started widening the search looking for her, calling her name and whistling. Time was slipping by and at this point I had traveled the entire park without any sign of her and now I was checking the surrounding streets, neighboring yards and storm drains wondering if she’d fallen or found some kind of sink hole in the park. Not a sound, not a bark, a cry, a car door slam, nothing and so I was stunned at her “vanishing into thin air” situation I was finding myself in. Probably 45 minutes went by when that knot in my stomach was beginning to effect my entire body, losing Minnie was not a possibility if my life was to continue. The park felt empty though and I started feeling that she was no longer there, I mean how could she hide in a bright orange rain coat?

   I crossed Second Street to the house directly facing the park and banged on the door. A woman answered and tearing up I told her I had no cell phone, that my little dog had vanished and I wondered if I could use the phone and contact the police. Small towns have some advantages mostly in the outcome of this story thinking that maybe it might have been different back home in NY. I phoned my mother not knowing the number of the police asked her to call them and then have them meet me there, she could come also and help us look if she wanted to. I went back to the search in my heart knowing Minnie wasn’t there but also knowing I couldn’t leave without her.

   I stopped a young woman walking her Lab and shared with her briefly asking if her dog smelled or heard anything to holler and I would explore any lead. Back in the middle lawn I looked up and a police van had arrived with the lights spinning and blinking like a 1980s dance floor. A young officer, (aren’t they all) walked towards the big lawn, saw me and called out “Candace”. I put both arms in the air and headed his way. I began sharing with him that Minnie had simply vanished off the face of the earth and he said, “I have her”. The first wave of emotion was sheer relief and the second was disbelief, where was she and how did she get there? He explained that Minnie had gotten herself down to the railroad tracks and almost out to the main route. Truthfully that couldn’t be more unlike Minnie and I was shocked to hear about her escapades. He continued telling me some woman saw her in that little bright orange raincoat and picked her up dropping her off at the station and would I like to follow him. Knowing Mom would be there soon I went anyway, some things just don’t work the way you want or need them to, Minnie was okay, all that mattered, the rest of us would find a way to get over it.

   Really quiet laying on the police station floor I bent down and asked her what had happened. She didn’t say very much, I picked her up thanking them profusely and asking if they would forward a note to the woman who found her. Besides thanking her I’d like to thank the police but didn’t get the officers name, they’ll remember us, idiot older woman all in black with sunglasses, a baseball cap and a cute little chihuahua in a bright orange rain coat. I’ll stick a note in the neighborhood ladies door with the phone since I couldn’t find house numbers. What a sickening feeling, hoping to get my balance back, really tough day.

   Min was quiet in the car heading back to Mom’s standing on the back wheel hump staring out the windows. Only when we arrived she got overly excited and couldn’t wait to get paw to that path to the front door. I never know why things like this happen, somedays I guess just to let me know how much worse things could be for me although in the state I’m in lately it may trigger a breakdown. Therapy was on time and we ate some dinner. Laundry in, dishes done, she was in bed with the furry blanket over her not knowing what if anything came to pass. Me, I’m a little jittery, unsettled and pissed, also thrilled to have her smelly little face to kiss and her bright orange rain coat drying on a hook in the bathroom.

   This reminds me of another recent episode inside Candace’s world. Pulmonology testing showed I had what is called an emphysematic mass in my left lung that needed to be looked at more closely ASAP. So due to insurance coverage I had trouble scheduling a CT scan but eventually got in, the hospital taking on part of the financial responsibility because it was a medical necessity. So these masses can get worse, stay the same or dissipate thinking the latter would be ideal. Even so, in the interim I still suffer the effects of the lung constraints, getting really really boring all this critical illness stuff. The doctor said if I don’t hear from them it means good news and we can watch it along with everything else. So the next day passed, I held my breath, used to that and waited anxiously the next day without word. By the third day I began to exhale and I’ve never heard feeling I can manage this with the rest of the overload, I will since I have no other choice.

   You know, I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I’m not in the least, Minnie is sound asleep and I’m worse but maybe not permanently. Hear me out though...just once I would LOVE something good to happen without me having to weigh it against how much worse it might have been. My selfish thoughts, I’m spent....maybe one of these days. Minnie’s safe, otherwise I’d still be in the freaking park.

plum de dum

   I'm not sure whether I'm creative in the kitchen or just plain old reckless. I always figure if I know what goes into it I'll eat it good or bad. Besides a whole foods approach to cooking I also love to bake, the normal way with butter, eggs and sugar. I usually need to find somewhere to send it since I can't really eat it and I've managed to come across some willing souls to suffer through my successes and failures.

   I just finished a batch of all kinds of chip and nuts stuff cookies that I gave my Mac guy who put a new hard drive in my iMac. I ruin things easily due to the mist from my inhaler destroying all other life in it's way. So I set my intentions on a tea cake thing for my Jeep mechanic since he's between places to live and a good snack always helps the homeless feeling, I know that on a very personal level. I decided on plums with lemon, lemon makes everything great. I used the entire lemon so if my mechanic is still alive after he eats this I'll add that to my repertoire. Besides the cake I made I also made a small loaf for me to eventually sample and determine what if anything needs to be changed or rethought. Things always look good, how deceptive.....so I sliced more then a few plums.

                                                                                                                                                                   

   Lemon Plum Tea Cake

3 cups flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 stick butter

2 large eggs

1/4 cup yogurt/sour cream or other...buttermilk

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 lemon zested and pulverized in the blender with the eggs

1/4 cup lemon juice

3 packed cups of sliced fresh plums

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup crushed bran flakes

1 cup light brown sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1 stick butter

Crumbs

soften butter in microwave and gently beat crumb mixture with hand mixer until broken into even clumps. Easier then cutting in cold butter.

1. STEP 1
   Preheat oven to 350*. Grease 8x8 pan with non stick spray and a loaf pan or a 9x13.
2. STEP 2
   Beat butter and sugar with a mixer on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Reduce speed to low, and add eggs with puree of lemon, beating well after each addition. Beat in flour mixture alternating with buttermilk and lemon juice. Gently fold in  sliced plums using a wooden spoon.
3. STEP 3
   Pour batter into pan. Bake on a rimmed baking sheet until a toothpick inserted into the center of each comes out clean, about an hour.

Dropped the big one off tonight next door for John. The little slice I tasted from the loaf was different and great. Use what you can and leave the rest behind, that's what I do and somehow I always make it work.

me and Minnie

   Mid 80s today, the usual, two runs and my weekly staple food shop. Less and less each week as I’ve begun buying things all over, better quality and or prices. I take Minnie with me each day when I go out in the afternoon for errands or to avoid severe cabin fever. One of our outings includes wandering along a crick which has now turned into a jungle, lushly green and very pleasant. Not quite the Appalachian Trail but both of us are too old to even think about that. This was enough for us gals in the heat.

I guess everybody's down the shore.

right next door

   Homesick as I am I can’t help but be more so over holidays especially ones during the summer season. The loft I inhabited was situated on a property that was turned into a NYC Parks Department Park which for all intense and purposes was my backyard. As the weather grew nice throngs of people would seek the outdoors and this was heaven, right on the water, a huge open space something very rare in NY and always welcome. Of course the local businesses looked forward to these events because they profited from the traffic and everyone was upbeat except those of us who lived there and just wanted everyone who didn’t’ to go home.

   The pier next to the one I was on, Pier 41 belonged to the landlord of the building I was in, a beautiful old brick expanse that had countless rental spaces and infinite possibilities. One of the rental spaces belonged to Steve of the famous Steve’s Key Lime Pie. He also had a spot in the next neighborhood over but the pier was a haven and he baked and sold at that location as well as packed his truck for the days deliveries. The city knew his pie well, his truck too. 

   Recently while walking my dog I crossed the car lot on North Broad Street that has been taken over by Old Forge Collision who sells refurbished old cars and parks them on display, very classy.  I asked a gent one evening if I could take some photos and he said “sure” because as you’ll notice the red truck really sparked a memory for me and it’s clear to see why. The red Ford and Steve’s Key Lime delivery truck are the same make and (could be) model, wow not much is lost on me huh?

   Hope the home front is buzzing with happy folks and the piers are well traveled with visitors and those that live and work there. If you find yourself in Red Hook Brooklyn stop by Pier 41 and grab some Key Lime Pie and say “hi” to Steve, you’ll be so glad you did.

   Happy Memorial Day!

look what I found

   Since my appetite for second hand merchandise is never satisfied I’ve tried to reel in the places and the kind of things I purchase. You would think that a thrift store might be good enough but not for me anymore I now have to have coupons, special sale days or even thrift store outlets selling articles that didn’t sell in the regular thrift store thus incredibly discounted. Not at all surprising to me that I can find plenty to want, need or plan to use, this kind of nothing always turns out to be something for someone like me.

   Last week I stopped by one of the local stores, Impact Thrift having a spring fair, which I tried to miss the events of the day rather get to the hard core sales. I made my way there to dig through their $.98  clothing rummage sale, huge containers packed with all sorts of unrelated clothing, genders, children, adults, styles and sizes. Speaking about exhaustion I cut tedious and banal activity short so I can somehow manage to make it through the rest of the day. However with that said I can spot great fabric a mile away and then of course we all know what we love, use daily and so in minutes, maybe 30 I had a pile of things to lug to the changing rooms. I don’t know what’s worse, picking through the heaps or pulling on one piece after the next wearing nothing more then underwear, white sports socks and sneakers. Buck Brown knew.

   Critically easy to determine what I could and couldn’t use, $9.80 and I was out the door with ten new work out wear and one or two pieces that were a bit more fun but useful now or hopefully soon. I have a tendency to buy things I want or like but as it is I’ve tried to only buy what I can wear at this point in my life, like it or not. Life for me has been in storage, boxes, plastic tubs, bags, you name it for almost 25 years. There is no fashioner that designs clothing to look or get well. So practicality wins out, therapy, workout, running, dog, errands, sleep stuff and that’s it.

   Friday afternoon I drove up to the Mennonite thrift in Souderton that has an outlet where housewares are $.49 per pound and clothing is $.89. I mean am I a shopper or what? More great running gear, mostly winter but that’s where the good buys are now, opposing seasons. Two guys walked out with three 1/2 gallon Ball Mason jars that I had intended on grabbing and I almost had a heart attack. After making my clothing selection I browsed the shelves quickly and found a great ceramic pedestal cake plate, fabulous and thought to glance at what was left of the jars. Much to my elation I came across three, yup, three Kerr 1/2 gallon mason jars that they seemed to have missed boxed and underfoot. Thrilled, I carried my finds to the counter, a stack of clothing and 4 pieces of glassware. $6.94, did you read that right? Yes you did. I sang with the radio all the way back to Lansdale. I really can’t sing with my illness but I mouth the words thinking one day the sound will just come back.

   Today I made my way down to Impact because they had their $.98 bric a brac treasure hunt sale, what’s that? I didn’t know either. Corrugated boxes all lined up filled with junk, all kinds, tons of it, all for under $1. So I dug and chatted with a woman who had found some really great things and happy to show them to me. I was not without luck though even at the late hour which I arrived. An old enamel wash basin, a really tall bottle with a  spout on the bottom, very cool, an old birdhouse hat box, a beautiful blue cut glass apothecary and a few other things already stored for the almost ready to use wait. The total today was $6.30. You can keep Macy’s as far as I’m concerned, me and my Country Living Magazine are more then fulfilled with, hey they had it right....... treasures. So look and see what I found. 

Back Street's Back

   Pandora is a music streaming automated recommendation service that utilizes the Music Genome Project. 400 musical attributes are considered in song selection, those 400 attributes are combined in criss cross ways making up 2000 features titled focus traits to produce a unique station suited just for your specific tastes. It’s really awesome.

   

   I hooked up with them the Christmas of 2012 after reading about using them for holiday party background music. I subscribe to a number of different magazine newsletters through email, home decor, DIY projects, recipes and in general up to date entertainment for all things good living. After seeing the Pandora.com name I was curious and decided to take a look. No downloads just a simple, open the web site and click on an already produced station, lots to choose from. I did that for a time all the while offering my thumbs up or down to music I either loved or didn’t. That’s what it’s all about, getting what you want to listen to.

  So satisfied with the play lists as well as the type of music I stepped out and started my own station, all my favorites, genres, decades, styles, artists and Pandora added to my compilation by using the music genome selecting other things I may like and enjoy. Sometimes working at the computer is tough because the music is so good I can’t concentrate on reading or writing reliving a special time gone by or just getting into the beat.

   By my choices Pandora realized I liked R&B and my favorite female vocalist being Mariah Carey. So they emailed me with a Mariah Carey station which plays really well, Usher, Rihanna, and Boyz to Men. Since I thumbed up Boyz to Men they took it further and introduced music from the cross over boy bands, New Kids, 98*, NSYNC and OMG my heartbeat, the Back Street Boys. Recently Pandora got really sharp and sent me another radio station made up just for me called “Back Street Boys radio”.  Are you kidding me, they should have called it “Heaven”. Check out Pandora if you haven’t already, you’ll love me and curse me all in the same breath. I use two browsers, one for the radio and then dock it and one for working in, less chance of overload on Safari. Nothing wrong with feeling young again, trust me the mirror will set you straight soon enough.

http://www.Pandora.com

so homesick

the zone

    The drive back to the small town where I grew up was lengthy and foreboding coping with the illness that had taken over choking the life out of me.

    Sadness loomed while the hum of New York City and the buildings that scraped the sky no longer did.

   What would I do here, would I ever get well?

    Living out of an open suitcase, daily therapy sessions, looking old, feeling worn, finding myself on Main Street driving through a town no taller then three stories high, my life had vanished. 

   The Jeep radio playing Billy Joel’s Captain Jack and 35 years just disappeared in a matter of seconds. The memory of a shoe box with an ounce of uncleaned pot, a spool table top covered with an answer to the munchies, always the piano man playing, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Joni Mitchell, my life was unsettled in those days, now it was completely unstable.

    I suppose I knew what everyone else did that someone had to die, of course I never thought it might be me. One hand on the steering wheel I felt the rush of the lyrics: 

“Captain Jack will get you high tonight

And take you to your special island

Captain Jack will get you by tonight

Just a little push and you'll be smilin' ”

    I wondered years ago what it would take to get me in the zone.....

                  .......and now I wonder every day what it will take to get me out.

home sweet home

  New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. It's climate is scandal, it's politics are used to frighten children, it's traffic is madness, it's competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it  -  once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough.

                                                                                    
                  John Steinbeck

                                     

king of pop

   A simple but expected controversy over the Michael Jackson performance via hologram, besides the always thrill of watching him at his best I couldn’t help be staggered by the amount and kind of work that went into the extravaganza. The live dancers had to be pumped but the intellect and pain staking process to produce something that spectacular is mind boggling. As some have mentioned they thought it was creepy, it wasn’t for me, conversely it was highly impressive, quite the piece of art.

   Thirty one years ago on March 25th Motown had their 25th Anniversary, memory serving me well I know exactly where I was at the time. 1983 I was 28 and sitting on my mattress which was atop several wooden palettes in the bedroom of my apartment on Atlantic Avenue in downtown Brooklyn across from the LIRR station. I had a snack tray with my dinner on it, legs folded watching the show. I was teaching aerobics at the time and "Thriller" was a MASSIVE hit, one song after the next, Billie Jean being one of them. I sat in anticipation as the gloved one threw his sequined top hat and became the showman we all grew to idolize. The moonwalk had never been seen or done before and when I tell you I sat straight up, eyes like saucers days later I could still feel the performance in the pit of my stomach. Truly worth the watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATo833rP6OU 

   This morning hearing the debate on the radio two DJs suggested taking a look at the hologram on YouTube something I didn’t have in ’83 to see for myself how this measured up and affected me. I’m not sure what I expected but was mesmerized and duly moved, loved it, hope Michael feels the same. Check it out, also worth the watch. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDRTghGZ7XU

attention all adults

  While reading Yahoo News today I came across this nine year old kid who puts most adults I know to shame. Shall we say he seems to be one of the sharper knives in the drawer. Browse through his web site, his journal and photos will make the corners of your mouth turn up and simultaneously a few tears fall.

  Find the three loves of my life on the blog all rescued off the streets of NY. Ralph in the passenger side of my Jeep left the tactile world on August 15th 2011. Wally big dog in the bottom shot with Minnie left me on June 15th 2012 and Minnie thankfully just sailed through a vet visit with flying colors. Good news for both of us, she must be somewhere around 13 1/2 years old. If you figure roughly that dog years are a bit less then 7 per, maybe around 5 she has about five or so years on me. I have way more problems then she does, little girl saves me everyday.

   This website is impressive on so many levels, nothing better then saving animals. Beyond that this boy is amazing as his family supports his efforts and works right along with him. It speaks to passion, the human experience being connected to everything and anything, in this case living, pure and unconditional love and serving a purpose. It made my day and as always miss my boys terribly but I do that everyday anyway. Enjoy.

http://www.happyanimalsclub.org

   

I cut some lilacs tonight from the front bush to sit on the kitchen sill, so fragrant and delicious.

on my mind

  Thinking about Miley Cyrus, I try not to but her comment about folks over 40 not having sex kind of stays with you. While I struggle with recovery I wonder if I would go down that road again at my age, (almost 60). I mean it plays out well in my mind but in reality I think it may scare the crap out of me. Days were when I would not only kiss some guy I hardly knew, but well you know, it didn’t stop there.

   Three key ingredients made it possible back then, slammin’ hot, really built and really stupid, otherwise I might have had to take it more seriously which was something I wasn’t ready for. Miley and I may have something in common after all. Thought I was pretty wild back in the day but she takes the nine tiered layer cake.

  

Hope she’s not sorry one day, then again.......

just another day

   Feeling hopeless today, the battle of the illnesses is overwhelming and relentless. Severe personal issues never being resolved laying heavily on the already almost caved in roof have me seeking answers. Doing some reading online about coping with circumstances larger then life or ready to take mine had me finding this quote written by Henry Ford. I've seen it before but for tonight it feels right. A small light in an otherwise very dark space:

    "If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing....you're right."

   I could use a few more tools but am grateful for spotting something in the empty box.

change

   since change is the only constant

       instead of letting it happen to you

       get out there and make it happen.